Why are IT services all the same?

So, for no apparent reason yesterday the internet stopped working. And this of course resulted in a general mass hysteria within the household. The female half of the Tribble emerged from its unit and came running downstairs.

"CbKE!! The internet isn't working. Can you fix it?" [Well, how do you think I'm supposed to fix it you idiot. Reset, the damn router yourself!!! Argh.]
CbKE: "Yeah, hold on let finish my breakfast and I'll take a look."
f1/2T: "Ok, well that's fine. Its well I just can't work if the internet isn't working and I'd really would like it to work." [I still don't understand how this is my problem. And for f@#! sakes, you know where the off button as well as I do. ]
CbKE: "I"ll be just a minute." [go have sex or something and leave me alone]
f1/2T: "ok"
f1/2T stands at the modem staring alternatively looking at it and looking at CkBE.
f1/2T: "mmm, you will look at it right"
CbKE: "yeah, I will in a minute" [god you have a smaller attention span than the Stinky Monkey]
Rose: "oh and why don't you help us clean up the dining and kitchen while you're down here so that the place looks nicer for the person looking at your room." [Sweet! Rose you've done it. Now she'll run up stairs and stop bothering me. yes!]
f1/2T: "oh, mmmm, mmmm. Ah... well you know I really should go clean up my room."
f1/2T takes off up to her love nest at the speed of light.
Rose: "Was it something I said?" [hmmm there are times when I wonder about this girl]
CbKE:" hahahaha..."

Needless to say CkBE doesn't really do anything about the internet situation until of she realized how much she uses it as a procrastination method. HAHahahahaha After many minutes of frustration, realization dawns. Hmmm it's not the modem it's the router. So Ckbe, takes on the horrendous act of seeking out IT services from the corporation that makes the device.

Rose: "did you find out what's wrong?"
CkBE: "well it's the router not the modem cause it works if I plug the computer into the modem. So I'm going to try to look up the support number and call them" [right, need a pen gotta get up and get a pen]
CkBE returns to discover Rose is cleaning up the desk. Replacing the wires and reorganizing them so that she may play girl music. NOOOoooooooooo!!!!!!! (ok must admit there are moments when CkBE likes girly music)
CkBE:"um Rose, please don't clean I'm still trying to play with all those pieces to see if I can get them to work. Putting them away DOESN'T help me" [OMG, can this women stop cleaning for 5 f-ing seconds.]
Rose: "oh ok"

In the distance a heavy thundering could be heard. Is it a bird, a plan, a herd of stampeding mammoths, no it's Chris he has awakened to find that the internet isn't working. Chris emerges next to the desk and frantically starts seeking his connection muttering in unintelligable grumbles.

CkBE: "ah...Chris. The internet isn't working."
C: "what? why am I unplugged" [wow! he's still looking for his cable he really is slow sometimes]CkBE:"Chris, the no one's internet is working. There is something wrong with the router. I have disconnected everyone so that I can fix the router so that you can have your internet back." [crap! I wonder if I said that too fast]
C: "oh...so no one's internet works"
CkBE: "no"
C:"umm ok then" [pheww...]

After, numerous attempts and journeys through the website of the dreaded router company. CkBE emerges victorious to find the tech support number, only to discover that it is like all other tech support services. The navigation through the horrendous self-select maze took many moons to complete. When CkBE finally discovers the human person at the centre of the maze she discovers to her dismay it is a reincarnation of RICHARD SIMMONS!!!!!!!!

RS:"so MAM, how can I help you today" [MAM! Why does he make it sound like Yam?]
CkBE: "well our router doesn't work. We aren't getting any internet connection when connect the modem to the router but I am getting a connection when I connect the modem directly to the computer"
RS: "Are you sure your modem and your router is connected MAM?" [what the F!@# do you take me for, yes the DAMN things are connected]
CkBE: "yes I'm sure"
RS: "Are you sure you are getting a signal?" [I JUST SAID THAT IT WORKS FINE IF I AM NOT USING YOUR STUPID PRODUCT!!!!!!!]
CkBE: "yes, everything works unless I connect via the router"
RS: "ah well MAM, give me one moment" [why must they always play elevator music, argh!]

The monotonic sounds of the hold key. Sound like sirens that slowly put you into a trance. Until of course the trance is broken by the sound of the Stinky Monkey as he fornicates with the inannimate objects in the room.

RS:"oh well here's the problem MAM, your router hasn't been registered probably and it hasn't been getting the updates. Now I am going to register your product now and then reset it in a power cycle. You know what a power cycles is right MAM?" [why do you have to call it that? Just say turn everything off and then turn it all back own again]
CkBE: "Yes"

The cycle commences. The quest has been completed and internet returns!!

RS: "well if that will be all MAM, for future reference all our technical support data can be found on our website, simply type in the router model number and you will be able to access these pages. They will ALWAYS answer all your questions.
[Well if I could have found the answer there don't you think I would have actully avoid talking to you you Knobend!!!]I would like to thank you for using our services today, thank you and have a nice day."