Sweatpant Coutre

Cute but Kinda Evil: "Look, look, look what I've got." [i love shopping!! i love shopping!!]
Sarcastrix: "They're sweatpants" [She's rolling her eyes, un oh .....]
CbKE: "what?" [hmmm ....i really should have had that second coffee]
S: "Like you need more sweatpants" [ but i like them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
CbKE: "I like sweatpants..."
S: "I know"
CbKE: "I also like Yoga pants."
S: "What is the difference?" [OMG...there is SUCH a difference]
CbKE: "ewwwwww is Ford buying trackpants" [OH god they're tapered....hmmm....I wonder if i should tell him that they are probably WAY to short........ nah]
S: "Yes, but I made him promise not to wear them out." [Yes!]


So, after that conversation I realized the need to educate others on the finer points of sweatpant coutre. There are several catagorizes that one can choose from when selecting a "sweatpant", one must select carefully and pair it with the correct accessories before you can get the desired effect. First and foremost, they MUST NOT BE TAPERED!

1) The Look: Exam Hell (or period week)
Definition: Baggy cotton sweatpants that are rolled down at the waist, accompanied by oversized sweatshirt, pony tail and glasses.
This look is made more effect if the pants have a crotch that hangs down to the knees and knees that hang half way down the shins.
Meaning: 1) "i don't care what i look like...i have way to much crap to cram into my head" 2) "shut up and leave me alone!!! I don't care...just give me chocolate!!! mmmmmmmm...chocolate"

2) The Look: Velour mania
Definition: Matching velour tracksuits with very form fitting tops and wide legged bottoms.
There are several variations to this look: 1) JLo: this is from the original fad from a couple of years ago...for this look you will need itty bitty purse that will hold your lipstick, avator glasses and stelleto runners. 2) University student taking advantage of JLo fad: Tracksuit...sweet. PJ's and going out close all in one. Accessories recquired for this look include runners with enormous laces. Also, pockets should contain pens, a dime bag and rolling paper.
Meaning: A) "look i am SOOO cool, I dress just like JLo" B) "Sweet, I don't have to get changed in the morning...Dude. my hands are huge!"

3) The Look: Yoga mama
Definition: TNA or Lululemon, body skimming, ass hugging yoga outfit. Like Velour mania there are several variations to this look. A) Non-excersizing gym member: to complete outfit you need an expensive pair of runners, cell phone, perfect make-up, fake nails, fake tan and salon styled hair. B) Trendaholic: dressing the outfit for the sake that yoga and it's various paraphenial is trendy. Accessories include all yoga related materials. C) Asslicious: no other accessories required.
Meaning: a) "I am sooo not here to sweat, I'm here to look good. The gym is where I go to get checked out, cause I am SO hot. Damn it! I broke a nail." B) "OK...so in Feburary, I ABSOLUTELY have to buy the deep V-tank in electric purple cause purple is SOOO Feburary" C) "OMG, OMG, these pants actually make my ass look good. SWEEET!"